Rule 1

This rule states that there are no driving rules in India. Anything with wheels or legs has the absolute right to go in whichever direction it wishes. I have also come to the conclusion that it must be illegal if you don't carry at least five people in your vehicle, be it a tractor, scooter, bike or a car.

The only piece of working equipment that one needs, it seems, is a loud horn. You would be well advised to stay at home if your horn does not work. Unlike the western world, it's not rude to sound your horn. Quite the opposite: it will be your fault if you don't and you get hit.

Every truck has a sign at the back saying Blow Horn Please. The truck is guaranteed to cross over into your lane without a warning at any time.

I had to adapt to the Indian mentality and break every driving law ever written. You should suspect that everything and everyone is out to hit you and it's your job to avoid them. Why pay to play dodgems at the fun fair when you can play for free in India. The whole country is one big dodgem circuit with animals thrown in. This included an elephant I saw going the wrong way around the roundabout in around Udaipur.

Rule 2

The second rule is not to bother looking into the rear view mirror. They are only there for show and most cars don't even have one. They are often folded, to save them from being damaged.

Rule 3

Ignore all lanes. The lines are painted for decoration only. If there are four lanes, two either side, then expect five vehicles to come from the opposite direction. The whole idea is to whizz in and out, avoiding oncoming traffic. Even the fun fair dodgems have better rules.

The railway crossings are a sight worth seeing. When the train goes by and the barriers lift, you are in for a shock of your life. Facing you is an avalanche of buses and lorries on your side of the road. Yet, they seem to pass each other without an incidence.

The only thing that doesn't give way is cows, as Hiten found out. It seems as though this sacred animal has the right to go where it pleases, even to sit in the middle of the road if it chooses to do so.

Lorries and buses are no doubt the worst of offenders. Buses, it seems, compete with each other to pick up passengers. I never saw any bus stops in India so I guess if you flag one down, it would just stop without a warning to pick you up. You are well advised to keep a safe distance between your car and a bus.

Rule 4

Be wary of traffic lights. They seem to be there for Christmas decorations or, as it's India, they could be for Diwali, the festival of light. If you stop at one then you will not be able to move for 10 minutes, as everyone swarms around you. The whole junction becomes a gridlock and you will need to say your prayers before you engage your gear.

Rule 5

Overtake any time, any place. It seems to be encouraged to overtake from any side possible, even if it means you have to go off road in order to get past. Just remember to sound your horn if you decide to overtake around a bend. Also, expect others to overtake you while you are overtaking others.

Rule 6

Drive in any direction you want to. It seems perfectly legal to drive in the opposite direction on the national highway. Don't be surprised to find a farm tractor, or lorries, come at you from the opposite direction as if they have the right of way. I wouldn't be surprised if they have managed to enshrine this in law.

I have read somewhere that more than 40,000 people die on the roads in India each year. One sure way Prime Minister Modi can halve that figure would be to give all pedestrians and bikers free illuminated belts to wear. No one seems to dip their lights and it's so difficult to spot anyone walking on the roads at night until it's nearly too late.

Rule 7

Your vehicle must have a dent. If your vehicle hasn't got a dent, then it's probably illegal. This is especially true for lorries and buses. The more dents, the more it shows your experience. You are probably better off to enter a demolition derby before considering your vehicle roadworthy for Indian roads.

Rule 8

If your lorry is not overloaded then you are wasting a valuable national resource. The wider and higher you pack your goods, the better it seems it is for the country. On these narrow Indian roads, it is a miracle if you can pass one of these vehicles without having to drive off-road and overtake from the inside. Even then, you are well advised to avoid hitting cows or goats by the side of the roads and not forgetting to constantly sound your horn.

Rule 9

Don't use a red triangle if you breakdown. You don't need a red triangle and if you do have one, you are well advised not to cause confusion by using one should you breakdown in the middle of the road. The local trick is to cut down some bushes, or branches, and lay them down on the road and preferably throw in some debris too. Then, when your car is fixed, it seems that you don't need to remove them as no one else seems to bother.

You don't have to worry about being arrested as there are no traffic cops anywhere to be seen! People in India don't need to have bird spotting as a hobby. They would be well advised to spend their time spotting the rare animals called traffic cops!

Rule 10

Don't drive around roundabouts. You can simply take the shortest route, even if there happens to be a policeman directing traffic. In fact, a policeman once indicated to us that we take a straight right turn into the path of on-coming cars rather than having to go around the roundabout. Worry not, as everyone is expecting you to do so.

Rule 11

If you see some large rocks lying on the road, including on national highways, then don't assume it's a landslide. That's the Indian way of signifying a diversion, as we found out during our travels. We went around the rocks and carried on only to find the motorway bridge came to a dead end. It's a wonder people don't drive off the half-finished bridges in India, but I guess the locals know better. I guess they don't get many foreigners like us crazy enough to come over and try.

Pharmacists on tour: part one

Pharmacists on tour: part two

Pharmacists on tour: part three

Pharmacists on tour: part four

Pharmacists on tour: part five

Pharmacists on tour: part six

Pharmacists on tour: part seven

Pharmacists on tour: part eight

Pharmacists on tour: part nine

Pharmacists on tour: part 10

Pharmacists on tour: part 11

Pharmacists on tour: part 12

Pharmacists on tour: part 13

Pharmacists on tour: part 14

Pharmacists on tour: part 15

Kirit Patel is chief executive of Day Lewis. Kirit, Peter Cattee (CEO at PCT Healthcare), Manvir Patel (managing director of Manichem), and Hiten Patel (managing director of PharmaPlus) raised money for charity Pharmacist Support. To make donations and for more information, please click here.

Kirit Patel and fellow pharmacists Peter Cattee, Hiten Patel and Manvir Patel spent two months driving to India and experienced the worst driving conditions of their lives. Kirit offers some advice to anyone thinking of following in their tyre tracks

After driving 12,000 miles across 17 countries, India deserves the prize for the most dangerous country I have ever driven in. On the day I crossed over from Nepal, my daughter Rupa sent me an article on the dangers associated with driving in India and wished me good luck.

Even this warning didn't prepare me for what I was about to experience. I could have killed a dozen people while driving on my first night as no one seemed to be wearing any reflective gear or have reflectors on any bikes or rickshaws. Lorries don't have rear lights, and bicycles, handcarts and motorcyclists don't seem to care if they drive on the wrong side of the dual carriageway. There are no such things as indicators. You would probably lose your hand if you were to use it to indicate. Someone once told me that on his first visit to India, he decided that there must be a God: how else can anything move in India? I have come to the same conclusion.

There must be a God: how else can anything move in India?

India: 11 rules to surviving a driving nightmare

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